https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH6NB2F-Jcw more and more heartbreak

[selfished]

[ ... Man.

Who ever would have thought that she would end up like this? Just.. she had changed her lifestyle completely, she started living just for herself, just doing what she has to do to get by and have a little fun along with it. She was just fine like that, right? .. Or maybe she wasn't, but she's not sure if she wants to admit that to herself. It's all that girl's fault either way, if she hadn't acted like such a hero of justice then she never would have changed her mind.

So in the end, for that girl's sake.. she sacrificed her life, huh? The selfish girl became the selfless one in the end.. it sounds just like a fairytale when you put it that way. A really, really corny one. But she really didn't want Sayaka to suffer by herself. It would have been too cruel. A cold, bad feeling she knows all too well herself.

Well, she's dead now. Not like it matters. She's stuck here in whatever afterlife this is, and that's it. The end of the story...

Kyouko closes her eyes, dropping backwards so she's lying with her back on the ground as if she's trying to sleep. Not like she knows someone's about to pass by though.. ]

Comments

[saberplay]

[So this was it, huh? Her life had come to an end because of her wish. Her wish that came back to bite her on the hand, and continue to dig deep within her soul, even when she was like this. But...living in this sort of life, she didn't seem to mind it one bit. After all, she was here, on her own accord.

But she couldn't help but let out a little sigh as she walked along this place that she was in now. Where was she going? She didn't even know at the moment, all she really thought about was how she let herself get eaten away by...by those emotions she had inside of her. After all, she rejected everyone who had tried to help her...she was so stupid, after all. She was the stupid one, letting herself become like this.

...but still, walking along in this place, she let her eyes swing back and forth, wondering what to do. That's when she seemed to spot...that familiar red hair. That person that tried to tell her what she didn't want to hear in the first place, and telling her that her wish will eventually bound back to her face. Yeah, some ally of justice she was. But...still, she felt compelled to walk towards her, to at least stand next to her as she begins to gently prod the girls side with her foot.]

Hey. Can you hear me? Don't just lie there, what do you think you're doing? [And thus, the poking with her foot continue on.]

[selfished]

Nnn...

[ Maybe she did fall asleep just a little bit, since when Sayaka pokes her with the shoe like that she lets out a whiny noise, her arm moving up to rub her face a little while her eyes are still closed. It takes a few moments for her to even realise who that voice belongs to.

When she does realise it though she lowers her arm, instead opening her eyes and staring at the other girl. Sayaka.. so it really is her, she's really here.. well, of course she'd be. She promised that she'd be together with her, right? So she wouldn't have to be alone the way she had been since her family died, since Kyouko knows how horrible that feeling is, but..

.. It's strange. She always knew what to tell the other girl before, give her advice she didn't even want and didn't listen to. But right now.. she doesn't know what to say. No words come out.

In her surprise, she can't even move up. She just lies there, staring up. ]

Sayaka..?

[saberplay]

[She's still staring down at the girl, a bit of a frown popping up on her face. Of all people, she had to come here and find her? The girl that was trying to give her advice, the one that was making sure she didn't feel the backlash of her wish? ...she wasn't sure how to react right now, in fact, she's not even sure how to answer Kyouko in the first place. Instead, her eyes flicker elsewhere, as she begins to kneel down beside her.]

...I'm such an idiot.

[It's all she mutters out, her expression twists a bit in pain as she grips the fabric of her skirt. She had regretted her decisions, and how she actually acted on them, but...was this a sort of punishment right now, seeing this girl right in front of her? It had to be, there was no way that this sort of backlash could happen.

...but she couldn't stay angry for too long. She speaks up once more, but her voice a lot softer.]

I'm such an idiot for not listening to you in the first place.

[selfished]

[ There's another moment where she just keeps lying there, where she can't even get up from the surprise. No, it really is Sayaka, right here.. when she didn't see the girl at first she figured that maybe they went to a different afterlife or something, but.. she's right here. It's a little awkward, considering how the whole interactions between them always went and when they changed it was already too late.. but she's not going to throw this opportunity away. No way. It actually makes her a little relieved to see the girl, no matter how sad about it she might seem.

So Kyouko quickly scrambles to at least make sure she's sitting up so she can properly look at her. She looks normal, just like before.. thank god. ]

Yeah, you're a real moron! Glad ya realised it!

[ She can't help but react in her usual way at first, mostly just out of sheer habit. But the harshness drops after a moment, and then she gently moves her hand against the other girl's shoulder, shoving her just a little bit. ]

.. I know. I should've been more insistant back there.

[saberplay]

[...it's just like her to start out like that in the first place- always scolding her on what she did wrong, and to make sure not to screw up. Telling her that now only makes Sayaka's expression drop, sadness almost conveying her ace. It's true, though, she acted like a complete idiot...but. She can't dwell on that for any longer, as she snaps out of it a bit when Kyouko shoved her. It caused Sayaka to stare at her a bit in confusion, before she spoke up once more.]

...I bet you're mad at me though, aren't you? For doing what I did in the first place...I don't know what I was thinking, letting myself fall down that path and...letting myself get out of control. I should've thought about everyone else instead of myself.

[She sniffed a bit, trying to wipe any tears that almost rolled out of her eyes, but she looked up at Sayaka with a lot of what seemed like a sad smile.]

...what happened to me...what did I become, Kyouko?

[selfished]

[ .. Mad? Like she could be really mad at the girl. Sure, part of her is annoyed that Sayaka didn't listen, but it's not like the girl herself could help it. Kyouko knows she was too late, by the time she tried to help her she was already too far gone. If she had been a little earlier, then.. maybe she could have done something, but she herself was just so stuck in her selfish ways too that she couldn't do anything until it was already too late. By the time she realised what she really wanted, Sayaka was already...

.. She's not sure if he wants to answer her question, especially since that train of thought just now led to it again too. She still remembers that barrier, the witch in it.. Sayaka...

Kyouko swallows thickly. ]

Does it matter? No matter what happened, you're you. And you're here, and so am I. [ She's too tsun to plainly say she sacrificed her life for Sayaka. ] Don't ask stuff about things that don't matter, moron.

[ There's almost something more fond than harsh about that "moron" though. ]

[saberplay]

[Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to believe those words that came out of her mouth right now. Nothing happened...no, she barely remembered those words of her being a fool, and...everything from then on seemed to have just disappeared from her mind. But even so...for Kyouko to say something like that, and to actually reassure her that nothing did seem to happen to her...actually made Sayaka's expression lighten up a bit.]

...you're right, I'm still me, aren't I? The person who's talking to someone like you. [She let out a small giggle, actually moving her hand to Kyouko's shoulder and giving it a little shove herself. Yeah, she's...herself once more, not that shell of a person she had become. She could actually be true to herself instead of cast away everything else.

...like her friends who tried to help her.]

Is Madoka okay? I didn't want her to see me like that at all...she must hate me too for what I did to you guys. But...I shouldn't worry too much about that for now, shouldn't I?

[But still, Madoka was her best friend...and she refused help from her...what was she to even do about something like that?]

[selfished]

[ Phew, apparently she's at least managed to avoid the worst. There's no need for Sayaka to know precisely what happened, it'd just make her feel worse, after all. And it would make her tsun too much to admit her own role in it, so.. this is much easier. It's all in the past now. ]

You know how that girl is. Ya could do anything at all to her and she'd still care for you, that's the kinda friend she is. [ Even though Kyouko didn't talk to her a whole lot, she could tell from the conversation they had right before they went in. Those two seemed so close too, and that coupled with Madoka being so nice means there's no way she would be mad at Sayaka over anything. She'd probably only be sad that she turned into a witch. ] Even now, I bet she's still thinking of ya somewhere.

[ And who'll be thinking of her? She didn't leave anyone behind.. it'll just be like she vanished and nobody will even notice. Hah.. ]

But she's fine. Homura's with her. I don't really get that girl at all, but.. I've been able to tell she's not a bad person.

[saberplay]

[That's right, she knows how Madoka is in the first place. No matter how mad you get at the girl, or how much you do to her...she always seems to not take any offense to it, wishing to help out instead. Something like that was admirable in her, and something Sayaka couldn't really get a good grasp on. But...well, that didn't seem to matter right now at all.

So, she's still smiling a bit at Kyouko's words, not exactly letting it drop a bit from hearing how Madoka was. And...well, Homura seemed like a reliable person, if not a bit mysterious, but if Madoka was with her...well, that was a-okay.]

That's just like her to worry, though. I wouldn't put it past her if she didn't actually worry about me...she must be sad, though...knowing I'm here.

[She sniffed a bit, still wiping some tears from her eyes as they fell a bit.] ...but...how did you get here? Did you die fighting a witch?

[selfished]

[ The question drowns out everything for a moment. Her own thoughts, the sound of Sayaka's sniffing and light tears.. instead there's for a moment just that concert hall again, and there's that witch form Sayaka had, and the violin music droning on and on into her ears. "God, if this is the end for me.."

Her blood runs cold instinctively at the thought of all of that again. She does try to hide her reaction, but it's impossible since it happens before she even realises it. The best she can do is turn her face away from Sayaka, as if she's looking at something else while they're sitting there like this. ]

.. Yeah. [ ".. then please, show me a happy dream.." Her voice is a lot lower all of a sudden, more quiet. ] Something like that.

[saberplay]

[...Sayaka couldn't help but tilt her head at Kyouko's sudden pause. Was it something really bad...? Well, all the witches she encountered weren't exactly the most pleasant things ever, but...she knew that Kyouko wouldn't let a simple witch get to her in the first place, which is what's bothering the girl in the first place.

So, Sayaka's nudging Kyouko with her elbow, trying to get an a response out of her. It was then that Sayaka stopped her nudging, trying to remember back to the last time she had actually seen the red head. They were in the subway...and her Soul Gem was...

...no. Sayaka let out a tiny gasp, the sudden realization actually hitting her.]

...you didn't...die for me, did you...?

[selfished]

[ Crap, she managed to figure it out after all?! She was trying to avoid the topic here on purpose since she doesn't know what to say about it either way, it's too awkward and her tsun will just kick in.. and it would be painful for Sayaka too, right? So it'd be the best to not mention it at all. So.. ]

O.. of course not! What kinda moron do ya think I am?! There's no way I'd just do that for you, you're getting the wrong idea! I--

[ "Just didn't want you to have to be alone." "Just didn't want you to have to suffer." Just...

.. Just.. ]

I just.. did something. I guess. [ LIKE THAT KIND OF VAGUE ANSWER WILL HELP ANYTHING. ]

[saberplay]

[Sayaka's gaze was stiffening more and more as she heard Kyouko's stammering. No...she knew that something was up, there was no way the girl would actually try and defend herself against a question like that. It was enough so that Sayaka grabbed unto her arm, squeezing it to actually make a point that...well, she just doesn't want her to hide something.]

...what happened? You can't just do something that made you die. There has to be a reason, and you know what that reason is! Why aren't you telling me?!

[Her voice becomes more desperate, she wanted to know so badly...and to make sure that Kyouko really didn't die on her behalf...because she'd probably be a lot more at ease if she knew the truth...]

[selfished]

[ She wants to yell at Sayaka so much that it's for her own good, or maybe even cover it up and yell that it's none of her business - anything that will make her back off. But somehow she just knows it's not going to happen, Sayaka is too stubborn to back down, so.. there's no way out except for just actually answering the question. As painful as it is.

It makes her take a deep breath, and she grabs Sayaka's arm to try and pry her hand off her own arm. ]

If you wanna know so badly, I'll tell. Just sit down calmly, I'm not gonna deal with you freaking out all over me while I tell.

[ .. Another sigh. Man, she's not looking forward to this.. ]

Sayaka, what do ya think happened to you?

[saberplay]

[She heard the question come out of her mouth alright, but...she wasn't exactly sure how to respond to it in the first place. Was she to say "no, I don't remember any of it", but that would be her lying. No, she wanted the truth, so she might as well just...give out what she really thought happened to her. As painful as it can get, but...she's been through enough pain as it is.

Maybe a little bit more wouldn't kill her in the long run.]

...We were in the subway the last time I saw you. And...well, my Soul Gem... [She looked down at the palm of her free hand- not the one Kyouko's trying to pry off.]

...I...I remember it turning into...into a... [...She hesitated in saying these next words.]

...a Grief Seed.

[selfished]

Then ya should already know what happened.

[ It's not difficult, after all. A Grief Seed belongs to a witch, it's what a witch is born from what a witch returns to after it's been beaten. Just like a Soul Gem is connected a magical girl. So for a Soul Gem to turn into a Grief Seed changes the person from normal to..

But she knows Sayaka would reach that conclusion by herself too, so in the end she just looks away to the side. ]

I fought you after that.

[saberplay]

[...yeah, she figured that would have been the answer to all of this. Even though it really is painful to hear that this girl died because of her own selfishness, because of her own stupidity...well, it doesn't make Sayaka's expression get any better. Instead, it darkens as she brings her hands up to the others face to make Kyouko look at her.]

...you idiot. You...didn't have to do that...

[Something began to make it's way down her cheek, something cold. She couldn't exactly point it out- ah. It was the same thing she was doing when she saw Kyouko from the last time, wasn't it? She was crying...she couldn't explain why she was, it just...

Either way, she's still looking at Kyouko through her tears, sniffs coming out here and there.] So, you killed me, huh? And in the end, you killed yourself over me, too?

[selfished]

[ She doesn't want to look at Sayaka, so the temptation to try and shake the other girl's hands off is pretty big. In the end she doesn't, but it's mostly since when her face is made to look at the other girl she can see that on her face, that she's actually crying.. .. well, it's not that she didn't expect it, it's a pretty big reveal after all, but.. then why does she feel so bad? ]

D.. don't be a moron, it's not like I'd kill myself. [ It's not really suicide.. well, in a way it was, but it was to stop Sayaka from just rampaging as a witch, to make her stop having to exist in that painful form and instead move on to the afterlife like this.. ]

I just.. didn't want ya to have to stay like that. As a witch. [ She almost raises her arms to grab the other girl, but in the end she doesn't. She can't. There's a weird feeling in her stomach, and for a moment she almost feels like crying too. ] After all, it sucks to be alone..

[saberplay]

[...she...didn't want her to be alone? Sayaka stops her crying for a moment as she stares directly into Kyouko's eyes, a beat of a warm feeling starting to fill her up for a moment. Something like that was enough to calm the girl down, even for a split moment.]

It...doesn't feel nice to be alone at all. [Sayaka paused, trying to find the right words she wanted to say to Kyouko right now. Because this was a pretty big reveal on her part...but...

...Why doesn't she feel bad anymore, after hearing those words? She always thought Kyouko to be someone that would only act on her own thoughts, and solely think for herself. But...Sayaka is beginning to understand what's going on now.

...She cares for her, doesn't she?

It's a little hard for her to swallow for a moment. How was she supposed to react to this right now? ...the only thing that does seem fitting for the moment would be that her arms had found themselves wrapping itself around Kyouko's torso, bringing the girl in for a hug. She didn't know what compelled it in the first place, but...]

...Thank you. It doesn't seem like I'm alone anymore, though...

[selfished]

[ It seems that despite Kyouko's own inability to proceed with the hug, Sayaka manages to do it for the two of them. It's why Kyouko doesn't exactly resist this time, she just leans herself into it, her head falling against Sayaka's shoulder. It's.. weird. She hasn't been hugged in a long time. Or had physical contact that was anything but from a fight, really. But.. it's warm, and nice, and.. not lonely, just like Sayaka says. Neither of them are alone anymore. And isn't that exactly what she wanted when she died? God finally granted her her happy dream, even if it's a dream in death. ]

Like you were alone all this time to begin with... That Madoka kid was always by your side, always worrying about you. And.. I... -- I looked at you and I only saw myself from a long time ago, so.. [ Her tone is soft against the other girl. ] Don't take it the wrong way, but I was looking after you all this time too. I'm just.. not good at saying it.

[saberplay]

[Her eyes widen a bit when Kyouko told her that she saw a little bit of herself in Sayaka. And to hear that someone was looking after her...she was blind to it all, wasn't she? The warnings...it only makes the feeling in her stomach worsen a bit, like someone had punched her really hard. But...she figures it's what she deserved, and what's done is done. The selfish girl...it only makes her pull Kyouko in even more, resting her head on her shoulder.]

You know...I really am going to miss Madoka. [She sniffs a bit, pulling herself a bit back, her hands on Kyouko's shoulders as she looks at her with a sad smile on her face.] ...but as long as we're together, like this, we won't ever be alone anymore, will we? Even if we had our past spats...I can look past that. So...um...thank you. Thank you so much.

[selfished]

[ At least she isn't crying here, it's the last saving grace about it.. because otherwise she's being much softer than usually, huh? But then again, it's not like she isn't normally like this too, it's just.. deep down, it's the compassionate girl she used to be a long, long time ago. Seeing Sayaka was what brought it back, so being with Sayaka now makes it completely take charge again.

But she really can't help herself, when she can at least sense just how grateful the other girl is she's at least got to grin a little. ]

What, you're just gonna forgive me for kicking your ass thrice that easily? You sure are a wuss, Sayaka.

[saberplay]

H-hey, I wasn't trying my hardest, I promise! Give me a couple of more months and I'm pretty sure I would have been able to put up a good fight for you!

[She definitely sounds flustered right now, a slight blush coming up to her face as she faces the other girl. And it was surprising, really, she had suddenly gained back her determination from back before she had her fall from grace. Maybe it was something she couldn't explain, but...]

B-besides, I'm not the one who's a wuss here, you're the one who tried to cheer me up and make this whole thing sappy in the first place, that would make you a big wuss!

[selfished]

[ She just laughs loudly at Sayaka despite how the other girl is slightly annoyed at her, like she doesn't care at all. It's all in good spirits, either way, not like the other girl is actually angry, right? Their arguing like this.. it's part of them, part of how they interact, and she actually likes it by now. ]

Yeah, I guess you're right. I said some pretty sappy stuff just now and back there too, and.. hey, that's your fault, it's you who makes me say that, y'know! Guess I gotta pay you back! [ Still with the same grin on her face she moves over to basically tackle Sayaka right to the ground, crawling over so she's hovering right over the girl with the same grin. ] See, I gotcha again already.